Marriage is a wonderful and fulfilling institution. However, after a while most of us begin to question how wonderful and fulfilling it is. Whether we have become complacent or comfortable, for some reason we don’t look at our partner the same way we did when we were first together. There is more animosity, anger, resentment and overall bad feelings in our relationship. This is the time most people should look to getting some kind of help. Most people don’t, however, and they wait for years before they do. Marriage Counseling may be the answer.
Most couples that seek marital counseling unfortunately wait too long. Counseling can be very positive and constructive for couples and many times helps the relationship grow. This process however can be difficult and requires for both partners to work at it. Marital counseling is a very complex process and cannot be explained in a generalized way. We are all individuals and have different ways of looking at our world and realities.
So what helps keep your marriage successful and long-lasting? Long lasting marriages have characteristics and qualities that enable couples to weather through both the good times and the bad times. It helps to have a flexible attitude towards your marriage, a willingness to create a balance in the time you spend together and apart, and an openness to change.
That being said, there are a few tips that can get your marriage or relationship back on track.
- Being kind to on another in little ways. This is something successful couples do without really thinking about it. He puts the toilet seat down; she sends him a loving text mid- afternoon. He tells her how beautiful she is and she surprises him with his favorite meal. They both try to show their appreciation for one another.
- Learning how to listen. Listen without planning on what you are going to say in response. Let go of your own agenda. Be aware that you need to listen. Make eye contact. Pay attention by not looking at the TV or glancing at the newspaper or finishing up a chore.
- Make Listening a Priority. Be aware that you need to listen. Make eye contact. Pay attention by not looking at the TV or glancing at the newspaper or finishing up a chore.
- Use reflective listening. Sometimes you may miss what your partner is trying to communicate to you. By using a feedback technique and repeating back what you heard them say is a good check in. Say something like “I hear you saying ….” Be open to the possibility that you didn’t hear clearly what your partner was saying.
- Be aware that you and your partner may just communicate differently. Being aware can enhance your listening skills.
- Don’t give advice unless asked for it. You can’t listen and talk at the same time. Feelings are neither right nor wrong.